By Daniel Butler
This hysterical choice of tales of tangible crimes dedicated by way of clumsy crooks and fumbling felons can have you giggling out loud at painfully dumb makes an attempt at crime. Illustrated.
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Extra resources for America's Dumbest Criminals
He continued his friendly banter as he gave directions. Before long the merry band of five was on its way in search of drugs, which the hitchhiker was readily able to supply. Finally, after a day of wandering from house to house, increasing their illegal stash at each stop, it was time for all good things to come to an end. Telling their newfound friend that they had some place they wanted to take him, the agents decided to wrap up the evening and drove him to the police station. “This will be your new home for a while,” the agents said to the passenger, who by this time was somewhat stoned and obviously flabbergasted.
The detectives asked. The man appeared to be frozen in time. He couldn’t take the words back, and he couldn’t think of any more to say. “Sir? ” “I . . uh . . well, no . . not really,” the man stammered. ” “Well . . nothing, uh . . I . . oh, never mind,” the man said. ” The officers turned and left as the man quietly closed the door, no doubt to sink into a chair and utter some expletives. “We just left,” Watson says. “Without the dope, we really had no case against the man. But we had a good laugh on the guy.
I saw our whole project teetering on a toothpick. I swallowed hard, opened my mouth, and miraculously, words came out. “Chief, I’ve got two sons, seven and fifteen years old, and they love to watch television shows like COPS, Rescue 911, and America’s Most Wanted. They think those programs are accurate, that they show the way it is for cops and for criminals most of the time. They think the crime scene looks exciting, even glamorous. “I don’t think that’s true. I think that even the term ‘Most Wanted’ glorifies the criminals—sort of like a rookie-of-the-year baseball card.